Relief and renewal in 2019

I woke up to 2019 with a sense of relief.

Last year was a difficult year for me. I was diagnosed with two medical conditions. Nothing life-threatening, but both hard to live with and necessitating uncomfortable changes. I had to navigate dementia in someone close to me, making care and financial arrangements. I found myself weirdly estranged from one of my closest friends. I did virtually no art, and felt the loss. It’s been hard.

So relief was my first sense. This year can only be better.

And yet, 2018 was also a good year.

There were two great holidays. I got to visit Ireland for the first time, and spent time with family in London and Scotland. I also got around to a long-planned visit to Mozambique. Both were lovely times – adventure, experiences, old friends, new people, new ideas, time to think.

I took a pottery class. I’d long promised myself the chance to explore a three-dimensional medium and it was as good as anticipated. There is something magical about clay and shaping it with your hands. Although it was a short time, I started to develop a real sense of skill in working the clay and produced some pieces that I’m really proud of.

I read. In 2018 I decided to keep a list of the books that I read and was surprised to find that, despite everything that was going on, I read twenty-one books, seven of them fiction. There were some lovely thought-provoking ideas among them.

I wrote a book – from start to finish. It’s been edited and is just awaiting a cover design. I hope to have it published before the end of this month. I feel good about that.

I also took the momentous decision to retire early. It was not an easy decision to leave a well-paid, tenured academic position, at the age of 57, but a necessary one as the values of the institution and my own were on divergent paths. I’ll work for the next two months, just to get a few master’s students to the end of the their research, but then I’ll be free of the institutional connection. (I’m sure I’ll still be working.) I feel good about this decision.

I hope to include in 2019 more of the things that made last year worthwhile.

I’ll be rearranging my life around writing and art. I’ll be publishing my book and writing another. I want to go back and finish my series of paintings of faces. I want to make time for  “creative nourishment”. I’ll do more reading. I want to make notes on what I read, since I’ve learned that writing things down helps to clarify my thoughts. I want to view more art, spend more time in nature, travel and meditate more.

The horrors of 2018 have made me appreciate the people in my life and I want to spend more time with those who matter to me. I’ll be traveling with my partner. Without colleagues, I’ll be looking for activities that regularly connect me to interesting people. And I have a few vacancies for new friends.

It’s odd how an arbitrary date on an arbitrary calendar can create a sense of renewal. I’m a bit skeptical, but it’s a useful device. So here’s to 2019. May it be a better year.

What changes will you be making?